Sital Ruparelia

‘WHEN I feel better about myself, THEN I‘ll call xyz about that opportunity’

‘WHEN I feel more confident about what I want to do next, THEN I’ll get out and start doing more networking’

‘WHEN I have some momentum with my job search, THEN I’ll start socialising more and meeting ex-colleagues and friends again’

‘WHEN I’m more comfortable about what I want to do with the rest of my life, THEN I’ll start searching and talking to people’

‘WHEN I feel good about myself, THEN I’ll start pushing myself outside my comfort zone’

Do any of these sound familiar…?

Most of us at some stage have played the ‘WHEN THEN’ game; putting off something until we feel better about ourselves.

But if you’ve been playing this game, allow me to let you into a little secret – You’ve got it the wrong way around!

The ‘feeling better’ and ‘being more confident’ part come from taking action. You feel good once you start taking action. Not the other way around (i.e. not waiting to feel good about before taking action).

So instead of waiting until you to feel good before taking some actions towards your career goals –  Just do them! You’ll feel a little uncomfortable at the time – but that’s part of the process. So keep taking actions – baby steps if you have to – and you’ll start feeling better about yourself and your situation.

Not because your circumstances have changed radically. But because you feel much more in control of your situation. You feel your destiny is much more in your own hands – all of which reduces the level of uncertainty and in turn your level of fear.  

Less uncertainty and less fear puts you in a much stronger position to succeed.

Here’s what to next if you are playing the “WHEN THEN” game:

1. Select one area of your life or your career where you are playing the “when then” game
2. Make a commitment to a very specific action
3. Find someone to be accountable to for completing this (e.g your boss, colleague, friend, family, a mentor or coach)
4. Then just do it

Playing the “When Then” game is something I’ve done a lot in the past. I’m a past master at it. But in recent years I’ve come to realise you can’t hang around for an external event or a mystery feeling of confidence to just show up. You’ve got to step out of that comfort zone of yours and start to take acting instead of being acted upon. Once you do that, everything starts to change (…..you included you).